Stages of Derby Retirement: Isolation/Depression
This is the third part in my series about retiring from roller derby. I want to say now, that this is going to make some of you upset. And for that, I apologize. Just realize I mean nothing personal by this, and it’s just the way I felt/feel. I know I took some things too personally, and none of this was intentional. Regardless, feelings are feelings. They are neither correct nor incorrect. They just are.
For anywhere between months to years you spend a minimum of two hours a night, three nights a week with a group of your friends. Friends that in time you learn to call sisters. You skate together. You work together. At the end of the day you come home, get on the boards, and you talk to each other. You are surrounded by an amazing and supportive community. And then, you announce you’re taking a bit of a break.
Silence.
All of a sudden, you’re on your own. Sure, for the first week or two you still hear from people. But as you’re around less and less that starts to fizzle out.First the texts and private messages stop. Then you stop hearing from them on social media. The next thing you know you’re at a bout and no one comes by to say “hi.” And when you make eye contact they quickly look away.
There are always the teammates that will have your back no matter what. They will support you in whatever you do. And for those teammates, I am forever grateful. But I know that for me personally that’s maybe, maybe, 10 skaters out of a league of over 60.
It’s a jarring and isolating experience. You feel invisible. Like without eight wheels strapped to your feet you don’t exist.
It hurts.
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Nicole is a Software Quality Engineer, music collector, and chronic project starter. In her free time she enjoys reading trashy romance novels, catching up on her game backlog, and bourbon.
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The same thing happens with any social group of people, be it a sports activity, club for enjoyment, work etc… This is just the way of life, it’s sad, especially if you are one of the few who would always go out of your way to say hello, to want to catch up with people, however I’ve learned the hard way that most friendships/relationships are only as strong as the shared interest you have with those people – if you lose that shared interest, sadly the friendship with 95% of people will disappear. But for every 10 people you lose contact with, there will be 1 person who becomes a really close friend that lasts regardless of your common interest, so that in itself makes it all worthwhile.
Shhh…. I haven’t posted the acceptance section yet. 😉
lol, I’ve been through the same turbulence, I co-founded a car club with over 200 members , but I dropped out due to personal circumstances, I keep saying I’ll go back eventually, but I just don’t have the time or motivation anymore as new interests and people take priority over those from my past. I still keep in touch with the guys though and would never just walk past people and ignore them in the street – I’ve had that done to me before and it’s so awkward and uncomfortable.